Wednesday, July 8, 2015

THIN PICTURES will not ruin me...

I am a person who checks her TimeHop app daily.  Sometimes, it's wonderful, seeing comments from Mom on old posts.  Sometimes it's way too real, with posts about when Mom was dying.  Sometimes it's a reminder that I've always been pretty clever and hilarious.  Other times it's a reminder that I've always been depressed.  It's ALWAYS a reminder that my body used to be much smaller.

Because in 2011 and 2012, I took TONS of pictures of myself, because I was thin and liked my body for the most part.  I still had complaints, and was still not "where I wanted to be" with my weight.  But I had more body confidence than I had had in years, so I jumped in the pics at family events more than ever.

I went to a fun lake day with all of my work family earlier this week, exactly 4 years after going on a fireworks date with Stacey.  So my Timehop pics on that day and the pictures taken of me that day look DRAMATICALLY different.

But I am not ashamed of my current size, nor do I believe that I am any less beautiful or worthy.  In some ways, I actually like my body more now than I did then. 

I appreciate it more, really accept that it's the only one I will ever get, and am working hard towards making peace with it. 

Does this person:

look like she's having a better time than this person? :


Is this couple:

cuter than this couple?

Not at all.

Is this body:

more beautiful or worthy than this body?

Again, NO!

And I'm not perfect with my self love or body confidence yet.  When I first saw those thin pics of me, I felt a little crappy until I saw that I was just as happy if not happier in the present day pics. 

Recovery is really helping me to love and accept myself as I am, body and all.  I may not truly believe that my current body is fine as it is, but I do believe that I am fine as I am.  The body love will come in time.  I hope. 
How are you working towards body confidence this summer?


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